Sunday, November 27, 2005


There are so many decisions to make. So many decisions people ask me about and then give me their opinion or tell me a story. Some decisions we know what we are going to do and are certain about it, other decisions still need to be looked into more.

The issue is that I am a Pieces through and through and if someone gives a compelling enough argument and I previously had not thought of the issue either way, well, then I am easily swayed. The good thing is that I have not committed to any decisions and you get 9 months to think about some of them.

I know I plan to breastfeed. That's a big question that people always ask. Although I have yet to meet anyone who tried to convince me otherwise. Everyone seems to agree that you should breastfeed. My mom breastfed us and I just grew up knowing that was part of being a mom and having a baby. There are plenty of compelling reasons to breastfeed, but what it comes down to is that I want to do it. All those other positives are just gravy. I am fully aware though, that my child may not be able to digest the protein in breastmilk or that I may not be able produce enough milk (that would be a shame to be carrying these things around so long and not be able to use them for what they were meant for). But for all intensive purposes, unless there is something preventing me from breastfeeding, then I plan to do it.

Now the decision I have not answered for myself is how long do I do it for? My mom stopped around 6 months when we were able to start biting her......ok, that sounds like a good enough reason. I certainly don't like the idea of getting bit. Although others have told me that after a couple bites and you getting startled (which also scares the baby) the baby learns to not do that if they don't want to be scared. I guess it's a Pavlov response. So, I think I will need to do more reading about the benefits of the lengths of breastfeeding. I know I won't breastfeed longer that a year. I will not be a card-carrying member of the La Leche League. Not me. I honestly feel if a child can walk up and get it walk (with ease -- 14-15 months) over to me to get it and certainly when they can put together a 2-3 word sentence to ask for it (18-24 months).

Ok - next decision that I do find opposition to is diapering choices. The poor daddy knows I feel strongly about this one and is struggling with it himself and I think finds himself just saying, "well, the mommy wants to use cloth diapers". He wants whats easiest and I am willing to compromise somewhat, but not fully. If it were up to me, I might just use the cloth folding diapers with pins and covers. The daddy doesn't want pins. I think he may be afraid of sticking himself or the baby. I also think he's afraid that he won't be able to do it right. You gotta remember that I am the oldest of 4 and babysat my whole life and have changed tons of diapers (cloth foldables, cloth velcro, and disposable), the daddy can probably count on one hand how many diapers he has changed and they were probably all disposable. I think he thinks that there are too many steps to cloth diapers, but really it's just the cleaning steps. You gotta remember that you don't have to worry about running out (just throw them in the wash) and you don't have to actually run to the store to get them.

I also don't think he's too hip on touching poop. He doesn't quite realize that doesn't go away with disposable diapers either, as sometimes that stuff is stuck on or it might have run all the way up the baby's back. I think he at first thought I wanted cloth diapers because in the long run it's cheaper. Check out this site for a list of benefits. It costs $1500 for 2 years of diapering, but how many kids do you know that are potty-trained by age 2. I think a figure closer to $2000-$2500 is a more accurate, although I have seen sites that say it costs $1000/year to diaper a baby, put that final total closer at $3000. I think the cost for the 6 dozen prefold is a little high, as at Target the prefolds are $10.29 for 12, which is about $62 for 6 dozen. You don't need to buy as many wraps ro pins, as those can be reused from time to time if they don't need to be cleaned. I have seen on other sites that it cost roughly $150 to start up and you'll end up spending about $300-$400 over the diapering time for the 1st kid. With subsequent kids you just replace a few things and you are good to go. But I know I need to do the all-in-one/velcro route for most of our diapering needs, which will cost more that the pre-folds, but not as much as dispoable. BTW - they do have cloth diaper services out there that do all the cleaning for you & delivery of the diapers and their cost is roughly the same as getting disposable. Although I am not sure if it is available in out area.

But really cost is not what it comes down to. Frankly, it's better for the baby's skin. Their skin can breate easier and babies from cloth diapers tend to have less diaper rash. And these there is the issue that some babies have allergies to the disposables touching their skin. Do you want to be that person that makes your baby breakout and suffer from more rashes because you just don't want to clean off the poop in the toilet?

And without spending a lot of time on the environment - I just want to say that in our disposable society, I think I do my fair share of throwing things away and of waste, but this is one thing we can do to not add more to the waste in our landfills. I feel like I am being a better citizen of this earth if I do not add more disposables to to landfills.

Gosh - this is a LONG post. But I have a lot to say and if you are reading it then that is your choice to read this long of a post

Now, the issue I am really struggling with because I had no opinion of before and was easily convinced momentarily is the issue of a birthing doula/coach. See, my MIL and a SIL are both post-partum doulas, so of course they think the use of doulas is a good idea. My MIL made some good arguments that pushed me to think of it, at least as a birthing coach option. Personally, I feel the reason our society has gone the way of using doulas is because our society has become more mobile and we no longer live close to the person (our own mothers and grandmothers) that served that role in the past. So, do I really need a birthing coach?

I thought about it, read a little bit, and came to the conclusion that I really don't want a stranger trying to help us out. I need a relationship for me to trust them. And honestly, I don't have enough time for all my friends as it is and have felt neglectful, and have no desire this time to be making new friends (that will change later). So I ruled out strangers and feel strongly about that. So, I talked to a friend in the area who had kids of her own in the same hospital I will give birth about doing it and told her to think about it. She did, as said I should talk to her friend (who used to be a birthing doula, but doesn't do it anymore) about the pros & cons of using a friend vs. a stranger. She brought up a valid point about how friends, even though well-intentioned, will have their own agenda and may get wrapped in the birth and not be of as much use as a stranger. She also gave me some other points to think about, which I have.

So, I am at the point of thinking -- why do I want a birthing coach/doula? Do I really need this person? Am I only considering this option because my MIL suggested it? I think I would have not considered it at all if my MIL had not presented me with compelling reasons to do it. My friend said she is willing to do it, and her friend gave her a lot of books on it, I just have to give her the green light. But I'm not so sure. I guess I should make up my mind soon. The daddy & I need to talk about it. If I knew my mom would be here in time I would want her in there, but considering she has a 6 hour drive to the hospital ahead of here once the call is made (plus time to pack, possibly time to finish farm chores or find someone to cover).....the likelihood is slim that she would make it in time to be of much use. I think I will talk to my doctor more about it on Wednesday, I don't mind getting the advice when I ask for it. But I think I am leaning towards not having one, now that I start to consider my feelings and what I think the experience should be like, but maybe the daddy feels differently.

The next decision that I am met with quite a bit of opposition with is the decision to find out the sex of the baby. A LOT of people ask, I think because they are curious on what other people are doing. But there are A LOT of people who then proceed to give me a mini-lecture on wanting the element fo surprise in the delivery room. Yes, we plan to find out, if the baby is cooperative. There will be plenty of surprises in the delivery room. I've never given birth before, this is all new to me. It will all be a surprise. I want to enjoy finding out if it is a she or he, and if I find that out in January or anytime before I give birth, that is what I want. The daddy doesn't seem to care either way and may have preferred that we wait, but he knows that I am a planner and WANT THIS. I know the baby may have their legs crossed or be mooning us and we may not be able to find out at the first ultrasound, but maybe the next time, or maybe we were supposed to wait. But if we can, we will find out. It is our choice, and in the grand sceme of things not a big decision and don't appreciate the mini-lectures.

We still need to talk about options for daycare. Do we want to look in our town or in the town I work in? I'd like to find one that takes teachers kids. I know that they are out there, so it will take some investigating. My friend works for a non-profit that helps match parents with daycares that are a good match for them and I will most likely utilize that service. Do we want an in-home place or a center? How imporatant is it that they will do cloth diapers? Am I willing to allow them to use dispoables? Do I want it close enough to work so that I can breastfeed over my lunch? I know they have to be non-smokers -- for sure -- I will not even consider it if they only smoke outside or it's their spouse that smokes outside. Smoking is NOT ACCEPTABLE to me. I don't care about the issue of pets, as we have 2 cats & a dog and I think it's a good idea for babies & kids to be comfortable around animals and learn to like and respect them. How important is it that they have a curriculum for older children? How do I feel about that?

I noticed at the fair there were several daycare groups and some appeared adequately staffed where others had 8 kids and 2 adults. I don't want that for my kids. Staffing in the home is a little different than when you take them on fieldtrips. Do they have an outside play area set up or do they take them to the park daily? It's important to me that they have something planned each day that the kids can get rid of energy and move around. Kids learn to enjoy outdoor play and exercise through modeling, and that option needs to be present, no exceptions. Since I will be home for the first 3 months and will be looking for a daycare starting end of August, when do I need to start interviewing people? I think I will ask my friend what she notices here in the ways of trends of finding an ideal daycare for an infant and the timing for that.

Name decisions -- we've resigned to limiting our choices once we find out the sex of the child. We will pick out a name for the opposite sex just in case the doctor was wrong. Plus, we reserve the right to change out mind at the time of the birth.

Type of birth is another decision. I don't mean by at home or a water birth or whatever else. We are having our baby in a hospital, final. That may change with later children if we decide to have more, but the first one will be in a hospital. What I mean is vaginal or ceasarean -- honestly I am not opposed to having a ceasarean if I have to (although it has to be a horizontal cut along the bikini line, not vertical; my doctor does horizontal preferably, so that's a good thing for me). I hear from people that they don't want to have a c-section because they won't be able to give birth vaginally later -- which is not true. I just read an article that said 67% of people who have c-sections give birth vaginally to later children and I have seen similar statistics other places. I kinda think I would prefer a big cut in my abdomen rather than a small cut in my vagina. The idea of a episiotomy scares me and I certainly do not want to rip. Ouch! That does not sound fun.

The other decision is about drugs. Normally, I try to refrain from drugs when I am sick and seek natural options. Although I did have to resort to drugs for morning sickness. I held out as long as I could and tried every type of natural thing I could come up with or that was suggested. So, when I got the meds I only take what I need when I am desparate, not anymore or any other times. But when it comes to giving birth, friends who have NOT given birth ask me if I will go without meds and friends who DID give birth tell me about the meds they used and how they were thankful. I need to do more reading. The doc told me about what he normally recommends. I need to read more about each of those options, other options, and decide for myself. But honestly, I think I am leaning towards some type of meds -- just not sure which ones I feel comfortable with. So, more decisions and research.

So, those are the big decisions and there are many small ones. The small ones are easier, I like those ones.

The thing I need to remember is that we are making these decisions. They are not being made by our families or our friends or strangers or books. At the end of each day, we have to implement our decisions. Long after our families & friends have visited, and the books are closed and the strangers walked away, we have to deal with the decisions we made and all the other decisions we will have to make in the future. It kinda neat and scary at the same time, but it's our decision.

--- J

Saturday, November 26, 2005

And It Just Keep Going

Puked a couple days recently. Damn! Won't it just quit.

Wednesday I go to the doctor again. Just get to hear the heartbeat again. It will be the same visit as the last time. The visit after this one we'll get to see the baby.

I bought one of those baby heart monitors. I tried it last week and couldn't hear anything. Apparently, they don't work so well until 18-20 weeks, some people report it working at 16 weeks. So, tomorrow I start week 16, so we'll see.

I'm not fitting in to many of my regular clothes. Jeans are completly out now. I don't feel like I look to pregnant. I kinda look like a chick with a beer belly.

I am supposed to be able to start feeling some activity from the baby, although the touch is light and may feel like "butterflies in my stomach" or a slight pinch or even the feeling of gas. I think I have felt something, although I could be imagining it.

Got a yoga prenatal DVD to try out. There are certain positions you are not supposed to do when you are pregnant, so I thought it just best to buy a new DVD for pregnant ladies just so I am making sure I am not doing the wrong stuff.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Feeling Better?

I am starting to feel better. After I got those meds I went a whole week before puking 2 days in a row, then went 3 days before I puked again. Now it has been another 3 days I have lasted (working on the 4th day), although my stomach is not feeling so well (and seems to be getting worse as the morning wanes on) and I've got that nasty sour taste going on in my mouth (which usually means there is a lot of acid in my stomach, which is something I noticed before I get really sick). I may have to go dig around for some Rolaids, try to make everything subside for a while.

My stomach is really starting to pop out and there are fewer and fewer pants I can wear. Maternity pants have too big a stomach, so I don't quite fit in those yet. I can tell already I will have a few choice outfits through the different stages of pregnancy. I am already planning that I will need a new wardrobe this summer, as I will be sick of my clothes. I'm really starting to look like a pregnant lady now. By the time my family sees me for Christmas (another month away) I will really be showing. I am sure I'll be wearing those maternity pants just fine then.

I've been noticing the sore back has been starting. I try to sleep on my side, but I always find myself back on my back at times.

And the constipation just started this weekend......the fatigue comes and goes. When it comes, it hits hard.

I have mentioned to a few people that I don't feel like a woman (or even human at all) lately. You would think bringing a life into this world would make me feel human, but it doesn't. I feel like I am just a vehicle for a creature that is slowly killing me over 9 months.

I watched this episode on Animal Planet about the most extreme moms. I am not sure if these upcoming episodes are the same epsiode or different versions. I think it might be. Anyways, I feel like I am that number 1 mom. I can't remember what kind of insect it was, but basically the babies(many of them!) grow inside the mom and feed on her and when they are ready to strike out on their own she has been eaten and is dead and all that is left of her is this exoskelton. Hmmmmmmm......

But I do feel better than I did the first 12 weeks, but certainly don't feel like my normal self.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dream Interpretation?

I don't know how a person needs to look into this dream. My dream was of me in the hospital getting ready to give birth. And then it cuts right to the point of after delivery, which was a C-section in the dream (maybe because Alicia & I had talked about C-sections yesterday) and then I asked the daddy if it was really a girl (because we had found out before -- not yet we haven't -that it was a girl, but sometimes they make mistakes) and he said yes and showed her to me (I remember I was pretty out of it).

I asked the daddy what we were going to call her and he said, "How about Kendra?" (Now, I have a dear friend named Kendra who I love very much, but I've shyed away from names that were names of our friends or friends' kids; only family names had we considered. So, I am not sure why her name popped into my head. She lives far from me and I have not talked to her in a while, so maybe I need to talk to her. Although I do think Kendra is a pretty name.)

And then I asked the daddy, "So, you don't want Emma?" (Which is one of the names on our list and a comment by the daddy has really put that name towards the top of my list, but we have decided to reserve the right to pick out a completly different name once we see the baby and it looks like something else would fit better.)

So, we decide to call her Kendra and they take her away while we talk about a middle name (which we have not discussed much at all.) And the daddy & I go back to the "family" maternity room. I say family because it was designed for the whole family and did not look like a hospital room. They had a big bright green tub in there (to help ease the mom in labor) and then there was my choice of "family beds", which were basically a king size bed with a smaller attached bed with higher sides (a crib), so that the parents and child could all stay together.

I had 3 choices of beds I remember, but the 3rd bed did not catch my eye so I did not even look at it. The first bed I saw was this spaceship rocket car bed. It was ridiculous, but the daddy's face lit up when he saw it and the 2nd one was all red, like Ronald Mc Donald's hair (never did decide on a bed). I remember there was also a big TV in the room. And I remember walking over to the full-length mirror (just like the one we have in our hallway) and picking up my top and looking at my big red cut all stiched up on my flabby belly. I remember thinking the doctor made the cut higher than he sid he would and then made a joke to the daddy saying, "Well, there goes my stripping career" and we both laughed.

That part about the "family maternity room" was the strangest part of the dream. We have not seen the maternity rooms, nor have any reason to believe they would be anything but sterile white. So, why the circus of colors?

Friday, November 11, 2005


What is this glow that people say pregnant women have? Do I have it? I look in the mirror and don't see it. But whenever someone finds out that I am pregnant they say, "Oh, I knew it. You just have that glow." I really don't get it. I was reading that "the glow" comes from increased oil production that comes with pregnancy. That's not a glow! It means I need to wash my face more so that I am not breaking out or developing copious amounts of blackheads.

Do I have that glow when I just puked (although it's now been a week since I puked -- Thank God!)? How about when I am so exhausted that I just want to pass out?

People talk like this glow things is supposed to be a good thing......well, so far......pregnancy hasn't been that much fun.......Next week I start my 2nd trimester and supposedly things are suppose to get better. They did get better this week, although I still feel like I am not at all myself.....although I am not really myself, I am me and a growing, maybe things will feel better soon......

And then people say the 3rd trimester kinda sucks I better enjoy anything good happening during the 2nd trimester.....

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Pregnancy Clothes

Last night we met some friends at Benihana's, which I was a little worried abour because I had not been handling smells well, but I think that the meds really helped. Yesterday I took 2 doses of a 1/4 of a pill.......I wasn't knocked out......still got drowsy, but didn't have the nausea.....

On the way home we stopped at a mall and I picked up some maternity clothes and Yankee Candles.....mmmmmm! Yaknee Candles smell so nice.....

They had a Motherhood Maternity store in the mall, which was finally a plce that I could find some pregnancy tights and underware......I've tried looking at Target, Wal-Mart, & JC Penney and had no luck. After got some maternity clothes at JC Penney I asked if they carried maternity underware or tights (not in the store, but in the catalog) and she directed me to the Motherhood Maternity store.......I had bought a couple maternity skirts, so I needed tights to go with (I like tights better in the winter because they keep me warmer.)

So far I have still been able to wear my normal clothes......I can zip everything up fine.....but I have had to do the rubber band trick that Jenny told me about on my jeans.....I could button them fine, but I don't like feeling anything against my waist right now......and since the waist cinches in smaller than the zippered part being able to let the waist out a bit was nice......It was that Ahhhh! feeling.....Unfortunately a lot of my pants either zip all the wait to the waist or have one of those slider hooks.....I don't have many dress pants that have, we'll see....

Saturday, November 05, 2005

That Drug.....

Knocked me on my ass!

I took it at 5pm, and by 7pm I was completly passed up twice in 2 hours, once to go to the bathroom and another to go to the bathroom and to haul myself upstairs and out myself to bed.

I got a lot of sleep, felt very relaxed, and the nausea went away. I'm so happy the nausea went away yesterday. I only took a half a pill......I wonder if I take a 1/4 of a pill is I won't get so knocked out.....I'm concerned that I will fall asleep at work if I take a half a pill......

Friday, November 04, 2005

Baby Update

So, we had our 2nd prenatal visit. We got to hear the heartbeat which was pretty cool. The heartbeat was 150 beats per minute. And if you follow those old wives tales, then we are supposed to be having a girl.

Actually according to this Chinese prediction chart, we are having a girl too.

Am I getting my MIL's hopes up yet? We won't have a chance to find out for 2 more months (beginning of January).

Apparently there is some trick you can do with Drano to find out what you are having, as it changes color and you determine what sex it is by what color it turns. Hmmmmm....Interesting.....not sure I want to buy Drano to do a party trick.

Got meds for my nausea....called Promethazine 25mg.....but I take a half a pill.....took one about an hour ago......not noticing too much, but my stomach was starting to get really upset before.....

Am down 2.5 pounds......guess that's not too bad since I have been puking at least once a day.....puking is NOT fun.

Also found out that I don't carry the marker for cystic fibrosis.....and was again confirmed that my blood type is O positive (so is Andy's, so our children will all be O positive)

Next month will be pretty much the same as this one. I'll do lab work (urine again, and then a blood test to look for down syndrome) and then a quick appointment to listen to the heartbeat.